Mobile Spy Phone can now be used to Spy on kid via Parental Control Software

Note from James: A lot of the things we do to protect our children might be considered “spying” by our kids, but they are in fact measures we take to keep them safe from others, as well as from themselves. Before we begin, I want to say that I
hesitate to use the word “spying” because it has a negative, sneaky connotation. It’s hard to “spy” on someone in your own home. But that’s a word parents understand and use when we talk about looking through our kids’ things, so we decided to use that characterization here.

Parents often wonder how much privacy their children need, and ask me if it’s okay to violate it. So before we get to the subject of spying on your child, I want to talk a little about adolescent privacy. Personally, I believe there should be a direct link between the amount of responsibility, consistency, and honesty that kids show and the amount of privacy they’re allowed to have in their rooms.

Adolescents need to separate and individuate. What that means is that they want to have a life of their own, and adolescence is really about preparing them for that. You should know that part of that process includes forming boundaries. To put it simply, boundaries are where your child ends and you begin. When a child is little, there is literally no separation: the child receives milk from its mother. And then as that child develops and gets older, boundaries start to develop. The day comes when your child goes to the bathroom and closes the door because he wants privacy, and he gets embarrassed if someone walks in. This separation is a natural part of human relationships, and as teens get older, the lines become clearer and clearer. Parents and kids often fight over where these boundaries exist, but your child’s need to establish them is very important. That’s why I think it’s important that kids have privacy. They should have a room where they can go and just close the door. Even if they share a room with siblings, I think each child should have a place where they can have “alone time” and it’s respected by the family.

By the way, I understand that many parents go into their kids’ rooms to straighten up, pick up dirty clothes, and clean up: things we want our teens to do, even though they often don’t do it as much as we’d like. I don’t refer to that as “spying”—I call that doing what parents do. I think the term “spying” should be reserved for when parents start going through their kids’ closets and drawers, going onto their computer and checking emails, looking through their backpack and pockets, and other activities of that nature. In my opinion, if your child is otherwise trustworthy, honest and responsible, I don’t believe there’s any reason for you to do that. In fact, I invite parents not to do that, and to start respecting that boundary. Certainly we don’t want our kids going through our drawers and closets. In my opinion, we should give kids who are responsible and mature the same respect.

When You Shouldn’t Spy
If you have a teenager who meets her responsibilities, comes home on curfew, is where she says she’ll be when she said she’d be there, is hanging out with the people with whom she said she would be hanging out, and you have no reason to be suspicious about anything, I suggest you stay out of her room. And I think you should tell her that, too. You can say something like, “I’m not going to interfere with your privacy, because you’re doing so well. I have no reason not to trust you.” That way, she knows she’s being rewarded for her behavior—your lack of interference in her personal space is a direct result of her actions.

Why do I think you shouldn’t you spy on your kids without good reason? Many parents do it, and I’m not saying it’s wrong. But in my opinion, it doesn’t foster independence and individuation. We want to raise a young adult who can make independent decisions and who can have a life of their own. Don’t forget, one of the things teens try to do during puberty is individuate. Part of having a life of their own is having a space of their own. So when you spy on your otherwise responsible child, the message you’re sending is, “I don’t trust you, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Spying on Your Child: When the Game Changes
Let me be clear: I believe the whole game changes if you have discovered something incriminating or if you have a very real suspicion about your child’s risky activities. When faced with this situation, many parents will ask me if they have the “right” to look in their child’s room. To be honest, I don’t like talking about rights; the word is just too overused in our culture. But here’s the deal: I believe that whoever’s name is on the mortgage has a right to look anywhere in their house. In my opinion, that’s your right because you own the house. Even more importantly, you have a responsibility to protect your kids from themselves, even if they don’t want that protection.

Instead of talking about rights, I prefer talking about responsibility, accountability and obligations. I think once something triggers your suspicion and it’s real—if you think your teen might be using drugs, drinking or engaging in other risky teen behavior—you have an obligation and a responsibility to your child to look in their room. One empty beer can is sufficient. If you find alcohol or drugs or medication that he’s not on, I think you have to start looking around, because your responsibility is to try to protect your child from himself. And in order to accomplish that, you need knowledge. Remember, knowledge is power. When I say power, I don’t mean hitting something with a hammer—I mean the power of knowledge, when you understand what’s going on, when your eyes finally open and you see something clearly.

Monitoring the Computer
I know parents who have put monitoring programs on their children’s computers after they’ve discovered that their children have used drugs. The parents were able to read all the outgoing and incoming email on their child’s computer. Now I’m not necessarily suggesting you do that, but I do see that as fair. Remember, it’s not like we as parents have to respect all kinds of privacy for our kids and then they get to do whatever they want to do. You can’t have two sets of values. It’s not as if, “I have to be good and you can do whatever you want.” Rather, “If you don’t meet your responsibilities to take care of yourself and to stay safe, then I’m going to take whatever steps necessary. If that means looking in your room, looking in your drawers and looking on your computer, that’s exactly what I’m prepared to do.” In my opinion, doing that kind of thing after you’ve caught your child engaging in risky behavior is one of the few tools parents have.

“Why Should I Tell My Child if I’m Spying?”
Many parents will ask, “Why should I tell him I’m going to do it? He’ll only hide it outside of the house.” But that’s not your problem as a parent. Your responsibility is to be up front and clear. If he hides it outside of the house, he hides it outside of the house—remember, after the first time you find something, he’s going to hide it outside the house anyway. That’s his choice. But you’re making the rules in your house and I think you should be very clear and open about that. Make sure there are no secrets and it’s all up front before you start checking your child’s room, backpack, and computer. It’s important that you keep your integrity as an honest person intact. You can say something like, “You’ve lost my trust and I’m going to start checking on you more often. I’m doing this because I love you, want you to be safe, and I’m just not going to let you do this in our home.”

When You’ve Found Your Child Engaging in Risky Behavior
It’s a terrible thing when you’re trying to be a “good enough parent” and then your child goes out into the world and gets into trouble with drugs, drinking and other risky behaviors. On top of that, our kids are told a lot of things about what we parents can, should and shouldn’t be able to do. In my opinion, they’re fed a lot of baloney about their rights and what they should be able to do. In reality, that’s a lot of nonsense.

The fact is that it’s your home. The cell phone is probably in your name, the computer is in your name, but even if they are not, you have every right and responsibility to check them if you’ve been given cause to do so. It’s completely okay for you to look into those things in order to keep your home safe, your other children safe and especially the child whom you think is messing up safe. Don’t forget, when kids use drugs or do criminal behavior or engage in other risky activities, part of the power they have is to be secretive. That’s one of their big thinking errors. “I have a right to keep secrets from you; you don’t have any right to keep secrets from me.”

But the idea for you as a parent is, “You don’t have a right to keep secrets from me if it’s something that endangers you or endangers our family.” In my office, I trained parents to handle this situation by explaining it the following way: “You don’t have to search your child’s room, but it’s okay if you do. If your kid says, ‘You can’t do that, I’m going to call the cops,’ call the cops for them.” The police are not social workers, but if a child has been using drugs and the parent searches the room, they will support the parent. I think parents should be checking up on their child after a major infraction—and giving them stern consequences—as an obligation and as a responsibility.

By the way, parents have a hard time calling the police, and I understand. But I think it gives your child the following clear message: “Don’t try to intimidate me. I’m not going to let you destroy yourself. I’ll take any steps necessary to make sure it doesn’t happen.” I tell parents, “If he won’t listen to your authority, let’s kick it up a notch. Let’s go to a higher level of authority.” Believe me, when there’s a guy in your room in a blue uniform with a gun on and handcuffs on his belt and a big old flashlight, you know right away you’re not dealing with mommy and daddy anymore. That message comes across loud and clear: You’re not dealing with someone who you can manipulate and turn things around on.

Don’t Let Your Child Turn the Argument Around on You
When kids are caught with something incriminating, many of them will try to turn it around and say, “I can’t believe you went into my room!” They make it seem as if the parent has done something wrong. Turning things around is a tactic kids use to put parents on the defensive. They create an argument as a diversion to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or behavior. Below are a few tactics kids use when in this situation, and ways for you as a parent to make sure the discussion stays on track.

* Tactic #1: “I can’t believe you were spying on me!”

Here’s a common scenario: The parent says, “I found some rolling papers in your desk drawer.” And the child answers them with, “I can’t believe you were spying on me! I’m 16 years old. What’s wrong with you?” The parent should not get sucked into that argument. Instead, the parent should say, “I told you I’d be checking into things. The problem is not whether I’ve been spying on you, the problem is the rolling papers you have in your drawer. And that’s the only thing I’m willing to talk to you about. If you want to yell or scream, go yell or scream some place else. Because when you’re done, that’s what we’ll discuss. Not me violating your rights, because you are violating our home.”

So, don’t let your child turn it around. Say, “We’ll talk about this when you’re ready to talk about it calmly.” And then turn around and walk away. If your child says, “I’m ready now.” Tell him, “No, we have to wait 15 minutes. I’m not calm enough now.” Go sit down, take a walk, go have a cup of tea. And then come back, talk about it, and explain the consequences for their actions.

* Tactic #2: “I’m holding it for a friend.”

Kids will also say, “Well, it’s not even mine. I’m holding it for a friend.” I think you should come back with, “I don’t want to hear any of that. It’s your responsibility not to bring stuff like this into this house and you’re going to be held accountable for it no matter what you were doing.” Because kids will try to tell you that they’re being noble—it’s another tactic they use. They’re doing it to “save a friend.” Just don’t buy that. Say, “You brought it into the house. It’s in your possession. It’s your responsibility.” Look at it this way, if a cop stops you and you have an ounce of marijuana and you tell him it’s your cousin’s, they don’t want to hear that. You’ve got it in your hand, that’s all that matters because you’re in possession of it. And if you’re in possession of it, you’re responsible for it and you’re accountable to the law. That’s all there is to it.

* Tactic #3: “Why don’t you trust me?”

As I’ve said, adolescents are real pros at diverting the argument. So, if you say, “How come I found an empty beer can under your bed,” they might come back with, “Why are you spying in my room—why don’t you trust me?” But that’s not the question or the issue. The issue is that your child had an empty beer can under his bed. Holding him accountable is not spying, and you’re not violating his privacy or rights; don’t get dragged into that fight. Say, “We’re not talking about trusting you. We’re not talking about violating your privacy. You know the rules in this house. There are no drugs and alcohol allowed, both in the house and for your own personal use. That’s the issue, not your privacy. We’re going to talk about this in an hour, and I want you to be ready.” And turn around and leave the room.

* Tactic #4: “You broke your promise!”

If you spy on your child without cause and find something incriminating, I think you have to sit down and say, “Listen, I did something today that you’re not going to like. I went into your room without your knowledge and I looked around. And while I know you don’t like that, and I know that I told you I wouldn’t, I did it today. And I accept that you’re angry. If there’s some way I can make it up to you, I will. But while I was in there, I found some cough syrup bottles. And we’re going to have to talk about that and deal with it. And I want an answer as to how they got there and why they are in my house.” And if your child gets really incriminating and tries to turn it around, if he starts escalating and yells, “You promised you wouldn’t go in my room,” you can say, “We’ll talk about this when you calm down. I’ll be back in half an hour.” And turn around and leave. In this case, I think you should admit you were wrong and say you’re sorry if that’s the case. But also, the issue at hand has to be dealt with. Some things are just that important.

Is It OK to Take the Door Off My Child’s Bedroom?
I’ve known families where they’ve taken the door off the bedroom of an acting-out child.
My question for them is always, “Well, how’s he going to have any privacy?” If you take their door off, in my opinion, you’d better have a good reason. If your child is smoking pot in his room and hanging out the window, I think that’s a good reason. But ask yourself this: once you take the door off, how are you going to let him earn it back? It’s not, “The door’s gone forever.” And it’s not even, “The door’s gone for a month.” It’s, “The door’s gone until you…” Just like we teach in The Complete Guide to Consequences, give him a task-oriented consequence.

By the way, we’re not talking here about your child winning back your trust. If your child wants to earn back your trust and his privacy, where you’re not spying on him anymore, that can be discussed at a later date—but not soon. And you can tell your child, “That’s not on the table right now. For now, we’re dealing with the consequences of your actions.”

Privacy is a Privilege, Not a Right
Again, giving a child privacy as to what goes on in their room or what’s in their drawers is a privilege you give them because they are trustworthy and honest. In my opinion, it’s not a right. And your kids should know that if they violate the trust and honesty, one of the things that’s going to change is that you are going to be watching them more carefully. And yes, that might mean going through their drawers or closet or looking through their email. But that’s the price they pay for being dishonest and untrustworthy. We all have to learn in life that losing someone’s trust is a very powerful thing. People get fired from their jobs because they’ve done something that violates their boss’s trust, like stolen something from work or used drugs or alcohol while on the job. Trust is not something that can be taken lightly, both inside your home and out. It’s not spying when you decide you have to take extra steps to keep your kids safe from what’s going on in the outside world and from their own poor decisions, especially if you have other children in the home.

Empowering Parents is a weekly newsletter, online magazine and parenting blog published by Legacy Publishing Company. Our goal is to empower people who parent by providing useful problem-solving techniques to parents and children. The views expressed in the articles on Empowering Parents represent the opinions of the authors and the experts quoted therein. Unfortunately, it’s not possible for us to respond to every question posted after an article on our website. Empowering Parents encourages its readers to participate by weighing in with suggestions and advice.

James Lehman is a behavioral therapist and the creator of The Total Transformation Program for parents. He has worked with troubled children and teens for three decades. James holds a Masters Degree in Social Work from Boston University.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yx1MEKkGkK8

Find out if your kids are Sexting by Using a Cell Phone Spy with Parental Control Software

Parents may never have heard of it, but surveys show that 20 to 60 percent of teens are doing it: “sexting”. While this troubling trend continues full speed ahead, parents, teachers and lawmakers are struggling to react appropriately to the phenomenon that puts kids at risk for exploitation, harassment, and even felony charges.

What is sexting? A combination of the words “sex” and “text messaging,” “sexting” is the sending of sexually provocative messages or visual images to and from cell phones and computers. Kids as young as 9 years old may be doing in it, according to the research of Susan Lipkins, a psychologist specializing in bullying and hazing.

Some teens and young adults use sexting to flirt, others to have fun or be funny, and still others to gain recognition, improve their social status, or hurt or harass. “Sometimes it’s gossip, sometimes it’s a mating call, sometimes it’s sexual harassment,” says Lipkins, who urges a nuanced view of the phenomenon.

“It’s an abrupt change that’s uncomfortable and scary to adults,” she concedes, but says parents need to look at the trend as an expression of larger changes in the way teens and young adults relate sexually. “It’s really an expression of the kinds of sexual behavior they’re having,” she says, noting that young people today may be more interested in casual sex than relationships, in contrast with past generations. “Many girls are not looking for a relationship: they’re looking for experience and looking for freedom. Sexting is just a reflection of what’s actually going on.”

Sexting makes use of cell phone and computer technology to send sexually provocative images and messages, and with increased accessibility comes greatly increased risk. Gone are the days of a girl slipping a suggestive Polaroid photo to her boyfriend: now, provocative photos sent in private can be forwarded to the entire school body after a break-up, posted online, and available in perpetuity over the Internet. That’s exactly what happened to 18-year-old Jessica Logan, who committed suicide on July 3, 2008 after her ex-boyfriend forwarded nude images she had sent him to hundreds in their high school.

Emotional trauma is just one of the dangers associated with sexting behavior. Several teens across the country are now facing child pornography charges for sending or receiving sexually provocative images of themselves or peers. In Wyoming, three high school girls have been threatened with child pornography charges over digital photos in which they appear topless or in their underwear, and similar cases have appeared across the country, with charges ranging from misdemeanor to felony obscenity.

“Kids should be taught that sharing digitized images of themselves in embarrassing or compromised positions can have bad consequences, but prosecutors should not be using heavy artillery like child-pornography charges to teach them that lesson,” said Witold Walczak, Legal Director for the ACLU of Pennsylvania, which has filed a lawsuit against the Wyoming County district attorney. “Child pornography is a terrible crime that involves the abuse and exploitation of children, neither of which exists here,” said Walczak in an ACLU press release. “In many states these charges would land these kids on Megan’s Law databases, with their pictures on Internet registries for ten years or more, and prevent them from getting many types of jobs.” That means that convicted teens could end up as registered sex offenders for the simple act of taking and sending photos of themselves.

While the legal system is slapping teens with outsized charges for sexting behavior, it’s the real predators that we should be worried about, says Richard Guerry, Executive Director of the Institute for Responsible Online and Cell Phone Communication. Guerry warns that private videos and photos are increasingly becoming stolen fodder for sexually suggestive or explicit websites and blogs, even when the personal content is password protected or saved on a private hard drive.

The consequences of ‘sextcasting’, the wider dissemination of images and video across the Internet, are far more serious than those of simple camera-phone messaging, says Guerry. “Sexting is limited to cell-phones and is really a method of ‘sextcasting,’ which is a much larger issue.” Parents and lawmakers worried about sexting are already behind the times, says Guerry, who says that where previously parents worried about keeping kids from stumbling across online pornography sites, now they should be worrying about preventing children from becoming unwitting “content providers”.

It’s easy to vilify sexting as an out-of-control trend to be stopped at all costs. But parents should consider sexting in the larger context of the changing sexual and technological attitudes of the next generation. “We need to really take a step back and and look at it and understand it,” says Lipkins, who thinks of sexting as a symptom, not a source, of teen sexual attitudes.

Lipkins says that prosecuting kids for sexting behavior is a misguided approach to a new problem that’s best solved the old-fashioned way: by communicating with your child about risks and teaching responsible behavior. “Parents have to talk about sexting behavior as part of other behaviors, and really try to have kids learn how to navigate this world without us, because we’re not going to be around forever,” says Lipkins. “We want kids to learn how to make healthy decisions on their own.”

Want to keep your child safe from sexting and its consequences? Here’s how to help:

* Communication is Key
Kids probably won’t respond well if you ask them pointblank, “Are you sexting?” In fact, many may not even recognize the term. Instead of grilling your child, keep informed about what’s going on generally, from crushes and relationships to friendships and bullying. Many small conversations will give you a much better idea of your child’s social life than one big interrogation, and you child will be more apt to talk to you if she feels you’re consistently on the level. If you learn that your child is dating or engaging in sexual behaviors, have a frank talk about sex and include the topic of sexting. If not, make sure to have a discussion about bullying that addresses the issue of using text messages to harass or humiliate others.
* Be Real About Risks
Teens are neurologically disposed to be more impulsive and less rational than adults, which makes it all the more important that they know the dangers of sexting. Although it might not be an easy conversation, parents should communicate to teens that school-wide embarrassment, legal consequences, and viral distribution across the Internet are among the very real risks of this seemingly inconsequential behavior. Stopping to think twice may make all the difference if your teen is thinking of pressing “send” on something she might regret.
* Emphasize Empathy
Sexting isn’t a two-way street: it’s more like a multi-lane highway. That means that kids who may not be sending sexts are receiving them, forwarding them to others, and contributing to a potentially malicious environment of gossip and harassment. Urge your child to think before forwarding sexually provocative images of other people – how would he feel if that were his image instead of someone else’s? Using empathy may help your teen make the decision to press “delete” instead of saving or forwarding.
* Teach 21st Century Responsibility
Kids who may be model citizens offline can make big mistakes online, so it’s important to stress that responsible behavior extends to the world of email, text messaging, video chatting and social networking. Make sure that your child knows that anything posted online, or sent via cell phones or email, can be saved, shared, and virally disseminated across the Internet. That means that friends, enemies, strangers, teachers, parents and future employers could potentially see your images and videos.

Parents should see sexting not as an isolated trend, but as a new expression, fueled by technology, of the social and sexual experimentation that has always characterized adolescence. That means that the best way for parents to keep kids safe is still to send a message of their own, which emphasizes responsibility, explains the risks, and keeps the lines of communication open.

Cell Phone Monitoring Spy Phones to Monitor Teens.

Q. I’ve heard of devices on cell phones that can track owners’ whereabouts, and I’ve considered these for my son, age 11, and daughter, age 17.

I want my kids to have freedom and be safe, of course, but I’m not sure if cell phones alone will provide the protection I’m seeking. Plus, couldn’t a child just turn the phone off if they didn’t want the parent to trace their steps?

A. In today’s scary world, it seems as if this could be the protection parents have been looking for. Let’s say your 11-year-old son is going on a long bike ride with a friend, so they take along your cell phone just in case they need help. Not only could they call you if necessary, but with Global Positioning Systems (GPS) equipped on many mobile phones today, your son and his friend could also be located easily if they called 911. Plus, if you subscribed to an additional service, you could track the boys’ exact location from your computer.

Or consider this: If your daughter is driving herself and three friends to a concert, she could map out exactly how to locate the concert location and get back home, just by using her equipped cell phone. And with an additional software package, you could track her whereabouts for the entire evening.
Will Cell Phones Keep Them Safe? A Fallible Plan

Such tracking devices, however, have drawbacks parents need to be aware of. If the boys urgently needed help during their bike ride, it might be too late by the time someone found them. And if they wanted to, the concert-going girls could deviate from the established itinerary and go to a party after the show — they could turn off the phone or leave it in their own car and drive with someone else.

Cell phones and their accompanying programs are tools for parenting children safely today, but they not foolproof. Nothing takes the place of a well-established parent-child relationship based on love and trust. Also, parents need the confidence that their children — 10-year-olds to teenagers — have the experience and intellectual judgment to manage the environments in which they’re placed, only using the cell phone as a backup safety device.

The mobile phone is neither a babysitter nor a watchdog. Its protective uses are limited to the skill and willingness on the part of a child to carry and use it wisely. If you do decide to let your kids use these phones and devices, don’t rely solely on them for protection. Your children need you watching them — technology will never take the place of your time, attention, eyes, and ears when overseeing your child’s whereabouts.

Cell Phone Monitoring your Teens Using Parental Control Software for Spy Phones is the best way to protect your kids.

Over a decade ago, the idea of a teenager running around with their own cell phone was relatively unheard of. With more parents wanting the ability to always be in constant contact with their kids, the numbers have increased. However, the numbers have now increased to the point that teens account for the majority of the world’s mobile phone users.
While the intention of giving a teenager a cell phone for safety reasons is valid, the negative impact it has created is unbelievable. According to Nielsen Mobile, the average 13-17 year oldcell phone user will send and receive over 1,700 text messages a month. Many of these messages are being sent during classroom time, causing many schools to ban the devices. Some messages include nude or semi-nude pictures, and have been bringing up child pornography issues. In the U.S., over 20% of fatal car crashes involving drivers between the ages of 16 and 19 were the result ofcell phone use, and that number is still growing. With all of the problems caused by teenage cell phone use, what can a parent do to protect their children? Here are a few tips on how to protect your cell-crazy teen.
1. Establish Guidelines
Education is key. Talk to your kids about the dangers and responsibilities associated with using a cell phone. Tell them what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Make sure to set time frames as to when the cell phone should be turned off, or when the phone needs to be placed in the parent’s care. Without defined guidelines, your teenager could wind up a victim.
2. Embrace The Technology
Rather than calling your son to find out what time he needs picked up, send him a text message.Rather than ask your daughter to watch a news segment on TV about the dangers of sending text messages while driving, send a link of the video to her phone. If you embrace and understand the technology that they use, there is a chance that they won’t misuse it.
3. Learn About Abbreviations
You may now know that LOL means “Laughing Out Loud”, but if you saw text message that said KPC or CFMN, would you know what was being said? More and more teens are using abbreviated lingo, not simply to get the message sent quicker, but to prevent parental eyes from knowing what’s going on. By knowing that KPC means “Keeping Parents Clueless”, or that CFMN means “Come F*** Me Now”, you will have a better idea on whether or not your kids are being honest with you about their activities.
4. Audit Their Activity
Do you know who your teenage son was talking to at 2 in the morning? Do you know who your daughter sent 500 text messages to last month? Your teenager might delete their call or text logs if they think you are looking through them, so we need to look at other ways to get the information.

First, check your bills. If your cell phone carrier doesn’t already provide you with detailed billing, ask for it.

Another option is using cell phonespy software. Programs like MobileSpy allow you to monitor your teenager’s call information, text messages, and even know their GPS location. If your daughter is supposed to be spending the night at her friends house, you can verify her whereabouts in real-time simply by logging into your account.

Talking to Your Kids about Sexting is not Easy. There are available software now that has Cell Phone Monitoring and Cell Phone Recording Capabilities for Parental Control.

Every parent concerned for their children’s welfare should know how to talk with their children on the topic of ‘sexting.’

‘Sexting’ involves the distribution of graphic sexual messages or photos by cell phone.

The potential for this activity to affect one’s life negatively is great; when it involves a minor on either end of the exchange, it may change one’s life forever. If convicted criminally, an offender could have a reporting requirement for 20 or more years as a sex offender.

Readers may already be familiar with the story of one Cincinnati teen, Jessica Logan.

This past spring at the age of 18, she hanged herself over a ‘sexting’ incident that left her feeling depressed.

Her needless death resulted from suffering harassment from high school classmates after her ex-boyfriend distributed photos exchanged by cell phone.

The emotional and psychological damage that an event like ‘sexting’ can have is great, but there are steps one can take to ward off such scars.

Talk with one’s children.

The first recommendation one can make to children is not to take or send nude or sexually suggestive photos in the first place.

Teens could be charged with producing or distributing child pornography.

As a parent, one may choose to discuss the non-legal consequences that involve the threat to future employment and reputation. ‘Sexting’ can be done on any media including E-mail and the Web; therefore, photos can be archived and stored and later come back to haunt you.

Regardless of the reason, flirting or impulsive behavior, don’t take the pictures to begin with.

Teens should not send photos they receive. If a teen has received a photo, encourage them to talk about it, if not with a parents, then another trusted adult, e.g. a teacher.

Stay calm. Encourage them to tell the full story. If the picture is from a friend or someone they know, then someone needs to talk to that friend so he or she knows ‘sexting’ is against the law.

If you’ve had the talk and the photos keep coming, the teen and a parent might have to speak with the friend’s parents, school authorities or the police.

If parents want to learn more of how to protect their children against ‘sexting,’ call on local law enforcement or school administrators for guidance. If one aware of ‘sexting’ that is happening, please contact local law enforcement.

Sexting is becoming a Major Dillema for Parents. Know if your kid isn involved in Sexting by Using Phone Monitoring such as Parental Control Software for Spy Phone.

“My daughter may be doing what?” Yes, Mom and Dad, the phenomenon of “Sexting” is taking off (no pun intended). If you don’t know what “Sexting” is, it involves people, mostly teens, taking nude pictures of themselves and sending them using their cell phones to others. This action has resulted in some teens being charged with violations of Child Pornography laws. These laws can carry some serious penalties, the most serious being registration on Sex Offenders databases for 10 years. With this in mind, what would happen if the offending material was found on your personal computer?

Why is this happening, and what do you need to be aware of to keep you and your kids safe?

Generation Reality

So many kids in this generation have grown up in the age of reality shows, and so many of them will do almost anything for attention and to try to “fit in.” We have had Survivor, Fear Factor, Big Brother, and Jackass grace the screens of our television, movie theaters and internet for almost a decade, and the ability for children, tweens and teens to see these can influence the way they look at society and themselves. Aren’t they just doing what they have been taught?

There is a desensitization to privacy, intimacy and self-respect that is, in part a symptom of the media phenomena and our culture. When I can turn on the TV or the computer and see Jack Ass-type behaviors anywhere I turn, it sends that idea that doing the extreme can get me attention, and where there is attention, there may be acceptance and possibly love and belongingness, at any cost. And when I want to fit in and/or stand out in the crowd, taking a dare or doing the extreme will help me achieve that end. Sexting is a way to feel powerful, and in some ways I think it can inappropriately be viewed as personal P.R. in a competitive market for attention and even potential fame.

We seem to live in an extreme time, and what people used to feel was a “dare never to be done” is potentially becoming run-of-the-mill. Many girls have not lost their self-respect as much as they have maybe never learned how to find it. Searching for approval, acceptance, what they think is love and instant gratification is likely what the goal is.

The Buck Stops with You!

I do hold society’s attitudes, the media, and the internet partly responsible, but as a collective, parents need to take the time to both talk to their kids and listen, and be in a place to guide and teach. It is vital to get the heartbeat of your children’s attitudes and emotions and help them understand where their power, self-respect, honor and dignity come from – inside of themselves. You are the most important model of this. In some ways, is this just a variation of streaking and “free-love” in the seventies? Are we all just looking outside of ourselves to find our identity, worth and value?

What can you do to decrease the chance of your child engaging in this dangerous activity?

1. Be proactive. Plan years ahead and keep communication open. If you encourage and foster non-judgmental, reflective communication when they are young, it will encourage it as they grow.

2. Teach problem-solving skills and be honest about your appraisal of your daughters. Many parents live in denial of their kid’s behaviors until it is too late, because they either don’t want to think they have failed as parents or don’t want to see their kids as having problems.

3. Talk to your daughters about these types of activities and ask them their feelings about it. Ask them if they know any peers who may have been engaging in this and how do they view them. If they don’t want to give names, respect that.

4. If your daughter has had a tendency to hide behaviors from you, request random searches of phone and computer data. While they may have an issue with this, if she has nothing to hide, she should understand that you are protecting her and you.

5. Understand that while your daughter may be in denial, sexting is a behavior that communicates deeper issues and a lack of confidence and self-respect. Arrogance IS a protective emotion. Be careful not to shame or humiliate her. Help her to realize the dangers and deeper issues.

6. Be willing to get help from a professional. Many times, you are too close to your kids to help them look at these issues and resolve them.

Sexting is now the New Generation of Texting. This can be prevented by using Parental Control Software such a Cell Phone Monitoring and Cell Phone Recording Spy Phones.

Jane, a North Jersey teen,* knows posting nude pictures on Facebook is inappropriate. She knows she can get into deep trouble and cause embarrassment for herself and her family.

The problem is kids like Jane don’t care.

Their behavior is called “sexting” — sending sexually suggestive messages or images to others via cell phone, or posting them on social websites such as Facebook and MySpace. And as a new school calendar begins, parents and officials are hoping to get teens to understand the kind of serious trouble they can get into by sexting.

At the least they’re hoping kids don’t pick up where they left off at summer break.

Last spring, two 14-year-old girls in separate cases, in Glen Rock and Clifton, were caught transmitting nude pictures — something that technically is a violation of child pornography laws under the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act, passed in 2006.

In the Glen Rock case, however, police told students who had received a nude picture of the female student on their cell phones to delete it. The district then held assemblies on cyber awareness for middle and high school students.

The Clifton girl caught sexting was ordered to complete six months of counseling.

In other parts of the country, however, teens caught sexting have been charged with possession and distribution of child pornography. Some are facing years on sex offender registries, which make it impossible to continue attending school or even get a job.

In a Pennsylvania sexting incident involving pictures of two girls in their underwear, the American Civil Liberties Union intervened, arguing the images were not child pornography but an expression of freedom of speech under the First Amendment.

“We think this is more appropriately addressed within the family structure,” says Edward Barocas, legal director of the ACLU of New Jersey.

Surveys show that between 20 and 40 percent of teenagers admit they have sexted.

Cynthia Lam, 15, of Westfield, thinks teens are more likely to text sexy messages than send erotic pictures. “What’s more common is seductive text messaging as a flirty thing. They can be very promiscuous while texting, but not nude pictures,” says Lam, who writes for Sex, Etc., an educational newsletter by teens and for teens published by Answer, a national sexuality education organization for adolescents based at Rutgers University in New Brunswick.

“But putting up pictures of yourself (on a social networking site) in a bikini or exposed clothing is pretty common. You want to look good; it’s your profile,” she says. Elizabeth Schroeder, executive director of Answer, says it’s not the behavior, but the technology that’s new.

“Technology is much more far-reaching and permanent, and teenagers are not consequential thinkers . . . They are pushing boundaries around sexuality. Years ago they would flash someone or moon someone or write notes or start rumors,” says Schroeder, who has a doctorate in human sexuality education.

Now, they can use cell phones and computers to act out sexually.

“I guess it’s our new way of trying to get attention. It’s a measure of your confidence. And the easiest way to display it is how confident you feel in your body,” says Anita Modi, 17, of South Brunswick.

Modi also believes the preponderance of sexy images of young actresses and models fuels teens to exhibit their sexuality more openly.

“I see a lot of young girls, tweens, teens, college age,” says Susan Lipkins, a New York psychologist who works with children and adolescents. “About four to five years ago I saw a shift in the way they think about their bodies and sexuality.”

Today, boys and girls alike are interested in no-strings-attached sex because, she says, “they think having a relationship is too much work.”

“One 13-year-old girl told me, ‘I’ve always been told I am equal, and I am equal to have sex, too.’ For young people, sexting is part of their everyday communication system — it’s a mating call, a form of gossip,” she says.

Teens also use revenge sexting, or malicious sexting — in which someone sends compromising pictures of another — as a form of humiliation.

Ruth, who asked to be identified only by her middle name because she is a high school teacher in Essex County, says she has seen male students distribute inappropriate pictures of female students as revenge after the break up of a relationship.

Last year a student at her school was suspended for revenge sexting, she says.

According to a non-weighted survey Lipkins conducted, 66 percent of 323 people questioned between ages 13 and 72 say they had engaged in sexting. She presented her findings last May at a conference on the internet and mental health held at McGill University.

The most cited survey on sexting, however, was commissioned by CosmoGirl.com and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Twenty percent of teenagers, and one third of young adults 20 to 26 say they had electronicallysent or posted online nude or seminude pictures of themselves.

Also, nearly 40 percent of teens and 60 percent of young adults said they had sent sexually suggestive messages via text, e-mail or instant message. “Is it upsetting? To a lot of us older folk, this is fundamentally a question of public behavior versus private behavior, which seems to be at least a moving target for young people. The notion that you’d share nude pictures over the Internet just doesn’t compute for an older person,” says Bill Alpert, a spokesman for the campaign.

While parents should be aware of what their kids are doing with their cell phones and computers, the findings aren’t cause for panic, he says. After all, about 80 percent of teens say they were not transmitting nude pictures, he says.

Maria Concilio, of South Orange, a mother of three — including two girls ages 12 and 14 — says she has heard of sexting, but is certain “my kids won’t do it.”

Why? Because Concilio says she is vigilant about checking her daughters’ cell phone texts and Facebook accounts. The same with Katie McGrath, of West Orange, a mother of three sons who are 15, 22, and 24. “I’m always on his phone,” she says of her youngest. And she’ll continue to monitor it “if he wants me to keep on paying for it.”

The CosmoGirl.com survey also found that slightly more girls than boys said they sexted. And while most said it was a “fun and flirtatious activity,” about half of the girls said they were pressured by a guy to send sexuality suggestive content.

Only 18 percent of the boys say their girlfriends pushed them into it.

“We need to talk to boys to never pressure anyone into it, and girls shouldn’t feel pressured,” says Schroeder. “That said, it’s true that many girls will do anything to get and keep a boyfriend.”

Lipkins rejects that argument, however. Her survey found that only two percent of girls said they felt pressured to sext. The concern over girls may well be a societal double standard about female sexuality, says Peter Cumming, a professor of children’s studies at York University in Toronto who has written about sexting.

“I think the hysteria has it backwards. I’ve seen articles that say technology fuels youth sexuality. I like to think that would happen to two people left on an island together if we forgot to give them cell phones.”

John Shehan, director of the Exploited Child Division of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, doesn’t share the opinion that sexting is harmless. He believes it’s risky behavior that can have serious consequences beyond getting in trouble at school. A teen’s erotic image can end up on the screens of pornographers.

“These people collect these images like your average citizen collects baseball cards. They save them and redistribute them,” says Shehan. “The content can live out there forever.”

Sometimes teen boys will try to collect images of girls in their school, he says. “It’s a power play; the boys will threaten to use the image if they don’t get more for their collage.”

Shehan says communication, not monitoring keystrokes, is the way parents should deal with their kids. The center runs a help desk for parents on internet safety. They can ask questions about specific situations at netsmart411.org. Ideally, parents should be talking to their children about issues of sexuality, privacy and appropriate boundaries long before they come across seminude pictures on their kids’ social networking pages, says Schroeder.

And there should be consequences for bad behavior, she says. “A cell phone is a privilege, not a right. So the consequence should be immediate and should be tied to the technology.” She advises parents to take the cell phone away for awhile. But Lipkins believes there is little adults can do, and young people know it. Her sexting survey seems to support that opinion.

About half say they posted suggestive or erotic images even though they already realized the material could get them in trouble in school or at work. Most also say they were aware it could cause personal and family embarrassment. Says Schroeder: “They think we’re dinosaurs and we don’t get it, and they’re right. This is a cultural shift, a piece of a puzzle in a larger picture.”

* Jane is a real North Jersey teen. Inside Jersey is not using her actual name to protect her privacy.

Parental Control Against Sexting Using a Cell Phone Spy with Parental Control Software and SMS Spying.

Litchfield Park, AZ, October 13, 2009 — Retina-X Studios, LLC, announced today the immediate availability of Mobile Nanny, the software that allows parents to monitor and restrict their child’s mobile phone. This software gives parents a safeguard against the overall challenges and dangers of a child having their own cell phone, including sexting.

With sexting on the rise, many parents need to know what their child is doing on their cell phone. But simply knowing what they’re doing isn’t enough. Certain activities may need to be blocked. Mobile Nanny allows parents to see everything their child does and block any disallowed activities. Complete text messages, call histories and GPS logs are viewable to parents online or inside an interface on the device itself.

The software allows parents to filter out activities they don’t want to happen. The parent can block their child from communicating with specific phone numbers. Any phone number can be blocked from SMS and call communication. Specific websites and applications on the phone can also be blocked. The child can additionally be restricted from using the phone at certain hours the parent specifies, such as during school hours.

The software silently runs in the background after every start of the phone. To access the interface, the parent clicks an icon and enters their password. The program can also be fully hidden if the parent requires covert monitoring. As activities happen, the program silently uploads logs to the parent’s private account, which they check online without needing access to the phone.

“For many parents, giving their child a cell phone becomes a dilemma due to the abuse of the privilege. Mobile Nanny gives the edge back to parents so they can make sure their kids are staying on the right track,” states James Johns, CEO of Retina-X Studios.